


my ghost, where'd you go?

by jemmasimmons



Category: Agents of S.H.I.E.L.D. (TV)
Genre: AU, F/M, Pain, oh look more pain, sorta - Freeform, this probably makes no sense but it will hurt so
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-07-10
Updated: 2015-07-10
Packaged: 2018-04-08 15:57:10
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,214
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/4311375
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/jemmasimmons/pseuds/jemmasimmons
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>“Promise me you’ll be back soon?” she whispered into his shirt, clinging to the fabric much harder than she had anticipated.<br/>He nodded, a sickening feeling engrossing his stomach. “Soon,” he promised. “I’ll be back soon.”<br/>-<br/>In which Fitzsimmons meet in more than one life.</p>
            </blockquote>





	my ghost, where'd you go?

**Author's Note:**

> \+ this fic is awful im so sorry i just wanted to post something bc i haven't in a while and well yeah. im sorry this basically makes no sense and is just awful. 
> 
> \+ shout out to daisy who read this through for me and dealt with me and yep
> 
> \+ this is inspired by the 'you can only be killed by your soulmate' au
> 
> \+ also note: there are suicide tw right from the beginning
> 
> \+ title is from ghost by halsey

_“I like to think about the first law of_

_thermodynamics, that no energy in the universe is_

_created **and none is destroyed…** ”_

i.

Her loose hair whipped past her face, sticking to her damp cheeks as the wind rushed by. Her legs shook, as did the rest of her body, and her hands remained firmly gripped to the metal bars behind her.

She kept looking down. She kept telling herself not to, but she couldn’t stop herself. She was going to end up there soon anyway.

He didn’t notice her at first. He was walking with a friend, laughing at his hard luck as he did. But his laughter soon faded as he looked up to find a woman on the bridge, holding onto the edge of the bridge with every ounce of strength in her body.

His heart leapt in his chest and his ears began to ring, yet it was no comparison to hers. His friend began to shout and he joined, hoping that in some way it would coax her away from the edge.

But their efforts were futile.

She tumbled towards the river.

And he dived in after her.

And neither of them came back out again.

 

ii. 

A smirk grew across her face, a tut shortly followed. “Poor Fitz, you shouldn’t have been so careless.” Her gun was pressed firmly to his temple.

“Oh Simmons,” he retaliated, rather calm under the circumstances, “you should pay more attention.”

An eye roll followed before she pulled the trigger, watching his corpse drop to the ground.

She didn’t think much about his final words, not for the next few days at least. It wasn’t until they found poison on her gun that she realised what he meant.

“That bastard,” she cursed hoarsely, following him into a driftless sleep.

 

iii.  

“Be careful,” she told him straightening his collar of his newly pressed uniform.

“I won’t be careful, I’ll get the job done.”

“Well,” she began, “watch you back because Bobbi down the road just lost her Lance and I –“

He silenced her with a kiss, caressing the side of his face as he did. “I’ll be fine. It’s only a war, what’s the worst that could happen?”

She averted his gaze, trying to ensure he couldn’t see the tears that began to well behind her eyes.

He held her for a moment, ignoring the shouts around him. He pressed kisses into her neck he held her, trying to ensure that she couldn’t see the tears that wear welling behind his eyes either.

“Promise me you’ll be back soon?” she whispered into his shirt, clinging to the fabric much harder than she had anticipated.

He nodded, a sickening feeling engrossing his stomach. “Soon,” he promised. “I’ll be back soon.”

They held each other for a moment longer before he finally broke their embrace and walked down their driveway.

Years later she would recall that driveway, regretting that she didn’t stare into his brilliant blue eyes as he walked away.

“Where is he?” she would ask. “Where’s Fitz? Did he come back yet?”

The nurse would shake her head. “Not yet, Jemma. Not yet.”

“But he will be back soon?”

“Soon, yes.”

She would ask this question and every day, the nurse’s answer would always be the same: “Soon.”

 _Soon,_ she would tell herself. _Soon._ The words would caress her lips every night before she would sleep. _Soon._

The words brushed her lips one last time as she drifted off to sleep one not-so-special night, dreaming of his arms wrapped around her as he pressed kisses onto her neck after having been apart for so many years.

She was almost glad she never woke up.

 

iv. 

They should have never been in the bottom of the ocean. They should have never had to fight for their lives. They should have never have had to argue over who was going to survive, and the result of that haunted her every heartbeat.

 _He’s alive,_ she would keep telling herself and others when they asked about his wellbeing.

At least he’s alive.

_But he isn’t living._

You’re a hero.

_It was the other way around._

A few days later, they declared him officially braindead. There were tears, there were sobs and cries for why this had to happen to someone like him. She drowned them out and took his hand, whispering apologies into his sheets as her emotions crashed into her just like the water had done.

Slowly, people came to say their goodbyes. They would come, they would cry, and then they would leave after having purged their emotions onto the lifeless body of what used to be a genius, hoping that the overwhelming reality wasn’t what it seemed.

When it was her turn, she found she didn’t have anything to say. A decade of friendship had led to a silence that gnawed at her conscience.

She could not find her own words to express what she wanted, so instead she turned to his. She took his hand once more and planted a kiss on his cheek and whispered promises of a future he’d never get to see.

“The whole damn time, Fitz. You’ll be with me the whole damn time.”

A nurse entered later, looking sheepishly at her before flicking the switch that would take her best friend from her.

She couldn’t help but think that he’d been taken from her long before that.

It didn’t take long for him to slip away, but she stayed with him until the monotonous tone faded and her ears rang with silence.

 

v. 

“I’m not leaving you here!”

“I’m not going to watch you die!”

She took a shaky breath, “One of us has to stay here, and it’s not going to be you.”

“No,” his words were sharp and blunt, but racked with emotion. “No, I won’t let you.”

“Fitz,” tears began to bubble from behind her eyes. “Please.”

Despite the commotion and the deafening blare of the alarms around him, he paused and looked at her.  She was crying now, her hand hovering over the button that would end it all. He couldn’t help but notice how small she looked at she avoided his gaze, trying to calculate some way that they would both survive this scenario. They both knew she’d come up short.

He closed the space between the two of them with ease, brushing his fingers through her hair as he kissed her. A rushed, intense kiss that was so much more than any other that had proceeded it. By the time they broke away, they were both sobbing, holding each other in their arms as if they were never going to see each other again.

“Do you think that in one life, maybe we’ll get to be together?”

She pressed kiss on the tip of his nose. “I hope so.”

They exchanged weak smiles, knowing that this life could only lead to the next. But they both knew their track record, and they both knew their prospects didn’t look good.

“Someday,” he told her, squeezing her hand tightly. “Someday.”

She reciprocated, “Someday.”

Their hands intertwined, them over the button. “Are you ready?” She shook her head. “Good, me neither.”

She gave him one last weak smile.

They took a breath.

And the world stopped.


End file.
